when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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