He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
