Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
