It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
