you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
