I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
