I faked an abortion last night.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
