Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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