Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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