So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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