dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize
