she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize