need another drink. this is the easiest way
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
