I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize