Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
