Need sex. Gaining weight.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
