My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
