After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
