They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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