I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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