Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
