dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
