i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
