Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
