Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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