Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Michael Bay diarrhea
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize