Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
