we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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