nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
