Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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