she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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