WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
