How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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