I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
