Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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