mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
