don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize