Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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