He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
