It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
