i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
