Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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