Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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