You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize