My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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