It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
