He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
