and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
