I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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