Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
