If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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