dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
