Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
