i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
