those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
