Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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