He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
