Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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