Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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