yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
literally had 100 drinks last night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
