she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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