sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
